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Baroda
Date: 22nd January 1941
Dear Swamiji,
I beg leave to usurp your
precious time and go through the following with due consideration.
I am a young Brahmin of 19. My
father died when I was 9 and after that time I was brought up in an
orphanage in Bombay. I failed in the first year Arts there and I had to
leave Bombay.
Before three or four years I
tended to examine my days regularly. I was practicing satva-sanshuddhi
every night before going to bed. After sometime my heart became full of love
towards all and my mind full of perfect peace and pleasure. Since that time
I have been writing poems and articles in Gujarati.
Just after that I realized
that everywhere there was something, which was my own atma-anubhav
and a keen thirst from inside made me uneasy; the thirst for becoming one
with the soul spread everywhere. Sometimes I wept at night, sometimes I sang
soham-soham near the singing storms of the sea and sometimes in my
heart lined a silence for many hours. Knowledge of schools and college
seemed nothing to me and that is why I failed last year.
This year I came across one
Swamiji – Swami Jivantirthji. He was greatly pleased with me. I made him
aware of my only ideal, self-realization and persisted in asking again and
again as to how I could reach that in due time.
Now about my mother. She is at
my native place, Saroda near Ahmedabad. She maintains herself by hard work
and some help by my maternal uncle. When she knew that I have resolved for
self-realization, she was greatly impressed. Settlement was made for my
marriage, which was undone by the great GOD. I have resolved not to marry
until I attain self-realization and am ready to sacrifice my whole & sole
for this great goal. My mother has just written me to take up some service,
which I do not like. Whom shall I serve for the poor stomach? I am the
master myself. This is a very good period and I fear if I jump in maya
- which I can not; I shall be nowhere. I meditate three or four times a day.
I like Nirgun meditation. Doing everything I keep OHM in mind.
I wish to practice Yoga well
and to become a great yogi. I keep silence and live in solitude. I shall get
a good shape if I get some solitary place and someone like you - the Lord
Shiva, to guide. A day will come when I will enchant the whole world. I read
your pamphlets and booklets, which are really very nice. I have been really
attracted to you. I am in great difficulty but I will get way.
Swami Jivantirthji is aware of
all this as he is greatly interested in me. He suggested me to go to
Rishikesh and promised to keep me under you, but he is going to Bombay after
a couple of days. He will return after a month, which is really a very long
period for me. Hence I have written this.
What do you suggest? Service
or hard practice for self-realization of any way? I wish to come to you. I
beg I must be given proper guidance in Yoga. I wait for the day when I shall
sit before the feet of the Sat-Guru, You; and awaking through this untruth
shall stand before the Divine truth.
Anyway, I put my head to your
feet. O lord, lead me to the land of light. Na tatra Suryo Na Chandra-Tarakam
Nema Vidyuto Bhranti Kutoyam agnihi Oh! When shall I realize this? I
will realize and realize it very soon. I am born for that. Oh I am
Sat-Chit-Anand. The Lord is ready to embrace me and I must go to Him!
Hoping for an early answer,
I remain,
Yours obediently.
(
શ્રી યોગેશ્વરજી લિખિત 'હિમાલયના
પત્રો'માંથી ) |
